Saturday, May 5, 2007

Alcoholism

Came upon Baywatch star David Hasslehoff's video(u can get it in youtube, just type hasselhoff drunk)...my family's been plagued by this thing ever since i can remember... my perpsepctive regarding my dad's drinking was coloured by resentment, anguish, anger, helplessness and sympathy for my dad, in different shades at various points in my life...as of now, i feel sorrow and sympathy for my dad..alcoholism to me is a let out in the beginning but like any other addiction becomes much more as every day goes by..my father is very forthcoming when hes drunk(at times too much to my liking), when hes sober hes so sweet..at times, i depserately want to see him as honest about his feelings when hes sober, as when hes drunk, so much so that i even want to get him drunk at times, so that i can really know what he feels about certain things..its funny to see the way he changes between two pegs..usually between his 3rd and 4th...there are questions you cant ask after his first peg which are completely askable after his 4th ....he blanks out after his 4th peg and its time to put him to bed...in his stupor, he keeps calling for his pre-marital girl friend(which is quite disturbing for a son, to say the least, especially when its followed by a session of badgering of your mother)...i confronted him about his girl friend and he freely divulged her details(that was a 3rd peg question)..i traced her number from the internet and arranged for a chat with dad..turns out, shes a happy grand-mother of two and that upsets my dad more...(hes still only a father, you see...)but the strange thing is since that chat shes no more a figure in his late night rants and makes an occassional appearance whenever he signs a cheque(my dads signature is a variant of her name, i cant wait to tell this to my mom, she might get his name changed just to change his sign)....

this ramble was inspired by an incident yesterday, where i did something, which i thought i was highly incapable of at this age(im 25yr old asian male)...i cried,...to be frank, it felt pretty good after the first 2 minutes, to feel real tears, i even tried tasting a bit(its been quite a while)...

2 comments:

Sarah said...

My maternal uncle was a chronic alcoholic..he was the one who told me.. "happiness is a bottle of good quality whisky"
He died happily( cirrhosis of the liver) two christmas ago..

Janmam said...

sarah: u bet....my dad, at times, jokes that on his death bed, if he should ask for water, i should give him a few drops of whisky..btw, nice blog u have got there...